He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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