I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
