What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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