I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
