WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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