you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
