i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
