these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Two words: nipple clamps
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