I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
