I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
