if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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