my mouth tastes like poor choices
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
