i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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