dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
