Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
