She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
