In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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