Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
