my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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