You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
this will be a night to untag.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
