They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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