put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
