That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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