i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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