I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
