A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
