how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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