ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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