Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
