the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
