is your mom at the bar?
Non-Jews are for practice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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