shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to have your abortion
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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