Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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