you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
