we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
