You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
