she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
