I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
