And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
