And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
