I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
