he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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