Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
