Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
