dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
