Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
