i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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