Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
