but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
