My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
