i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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