don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
