Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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